I was going to start telling you of the events which transpired this morning, with a string of expletives that would have done myself a disservice as well as you, dear reader.

Instead, the truth is, I've had a wonderful day with my three beautiful children. Our Nanny works Saturdays but with Tania under the weather, and the Nanny's penchant for plugging them in to the TV while she's does housework, I decided that wasn't good enough for my family!

So, I divided the day into three dates. First would be Rio, then Havana and finally India. After our usual weekend breakfast of bacon and eggs (bacon and peanut butter toast for India), Rio and I set off for Cadboro Bay and a couple of hours of carefree boating.

Arriving to find the gate locked as usual, I was shocked to discover my dinghy had again been stolen. At least this time they left me my galvanized 3/8" chain. That's all they left. Tarp, boat, motor and a 5 L. gas can. Gone.

I know what you're thinking, dear reader. How was this tragic and nefarious turn of events affecting Rio's time with his father? He was having the time of his life. While I waited for the Saanich police to show up, he played on the beach in the mid morning sunshine. Cst. Richard Burdett (badge number 222), arrived presently and we shared in the irony of the fact that despite the $10 worth of cheap metal 'Warning this area under video surveillance' signs from Home Depot, the buggers still stole my boat. They cut my lock and took my boat. We also found the three shock chords I used to secure the tarp in to her in the compound.

Anyhow, Dick told me he'd send me a case number so I could start another fucking insurance claim. He also said he was on the marine patrol so would be out with the boat tomorrow, combing the shoreline and marina facilities. Which I thought was a fine gesture. Yes, a fine gesture indeed.

That's when Rio and I became private detectives. We rowed out to Trouper 2 and surveilled the other  boats moored in the Bay. (Even the shadier 'residents' of the bay). Nothing. We checked the small, muddy bay immediately South of the Yacht Club, at the end of Ripon Rd. There were a couple of other inflatables, but no 'Skully'. Next Rio and I cruised the Yacht Club's visitors dock. Nada. I was about to head back to T2 but thought, the only other secluded dump site would be Loon Bay. Loon Bay is just South of the club. Well, by god, wouldn't you know it? There she was!

Christ a'mighty I damn near dropped my iPhoneXR in the water, in my haste to contact Dick Burdett. "Dick! She's on the beach in Loon Bay!" "Great," he says "I'm going to go get the Police boat at the Saanich detachment, launch it at Cattle Point and come strait there. Shouldn't be longer than a fucking HOUR!"

Ok some of that was my interpretation of the bizarre logistics involved here. While we waited on the muddy beach at Loon Bay, not approaching Skully in order to preserve the crime scene, (I've watched many crime shows, so I know what's important in an investigation of this magnitude.) rio got in Trouper II Too, our fiberglass Minto rowing dinghy, and began practicing his rowing while the dinghy was tied to shore.

Finally Cst. Burdett showed up with his partner. His police partner. OK they could also be romantically involved, but that's beside the point. So after several attempts to get their oversized, 200 horse power zodiac anywhere near the shore at Loon Bay, Dick was dropped off on the rocks and his partner waited off shore. He basically climbed up the embankment, freed Skully from where the very considerate thief had made her fast by tying her painter to a tree, and covering the motor with my tarp, and said something to the effect of; "Right on dude, we're on till 3 so we goin' boatin' bitch".

Other than a little mud on her hull, Skully was not altered in anyway. There was spilled gas in her and my 5L gas can was gone but not bad, all things considered. The big news of this adventure was that Rio rowed all the way back to Trouper II while I followed him in Skully. Big boy! I told him he was now an Oarsman.

So after considering the evidence, Rio and I came up with a theory.

First of all, the timeline. I had been at the compound the night before to pick up a tote of laundry which I had taken off Trouper 2. So the crime must have been committed between 8pm last night and 9am this morning. So why take it and carefully leave it on the beach tied to a tree with the tarp over the engine? Why was the gas can missing? Why all the spilled gas in the boat? Why was the engine's gas tank filled to overflowing?

A possible answer

Whenever I take Skully back to the compound at Gyro park in Cadboro Bay, I turn off the fuel cock (switch) at the engine. When I recovered her this morning the fuel cock was still off. So, the thief must have ran out of gas almost immediately. I mean, just off Cadboro Bay beach. He figured he was out of gas and was very upset to realize that despite the fact that he filled the tank, the engine still would not start. In a blind rage, the threw the gas can overboard and began to row. And row. Do you know how slow it is to row a RHIB? S L O W.

So he got as far as Loon Bay, realized how much fucking trouble he'd been in if caught, and respectfully tied her to the beach and covered her engine from the elements.

Tonight she's chained to Trouper 2 and the Minto is in the Cadboro Bay compound, but rowing back and forth that far is a pain. Since there's obviously no security at the compound, I will move the Minto down the beach and chain her to a log.

Quite the journey.